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As I’ve mentioned before, I get all sorts of press releases in my e-mail. And, although most of them are not really of interest to me, they at least are in a genre I cover — food, travel or science. Except for one I got a few days ago. This one was about wacky jobs. Why would I get this? I have not a clue. But, they are amusing, so I thought I’d take a moment to share them with you.

According to the release, Tribe.net, a company whose backed by such notable companies as Knight Ridder and the Washington Post Co., announced the top 10 “Outrageous Jobs” for the week ending Jan 28, 2005. Here they are in all their strange but true glory:

1. Custom spells from a witch to get money, win love or curse enemies — $25
2. Posse looking for leader
3. I will clean your chimney dressed as a gargoyle — $110
4. Wanted for hire: pretender
5. Dial-A-Bedtime-Story
6. Will [bother] your neighbors for $20 hr + expenses
7. Need psychic to perform dog séance — $50
8. SF: Hiring Ms./Mr. Moneypenny
9. Get paid to smell men’s armpits
10. Fire-breathing, Fire-eating ordained minister for your wedding

Now, I just have to add my two bits.

1. Why would you want a person dressed as a gargoyle to clean your chimney? Wouldn’t a normal person do? And, where’d he get this costume? How does he keep it clean between cleanings? It is a puzzlement.
2. What would you hire a pretender to do? Pretend to work?
3. Does SF stand for San Francisco, Science Fiction or Special Fantasy? And what would this Moneypenny do? Flirt with staff but never actually let it get farther? It makes you go hmmmm.
4. I have an idea why someone would want to hire someone to smell men’s armpits — it could be useful in, say, deodorant research — but who would be desperate enough to take the job? And, would you want to hang out, not to mention have a relationship with, such a person?
5. OK — why would you want a fire-breathing, fire-eating minister to marry you and your beloved? And, why would a minister do that in the first place?
6. And finally, two words: dog séance?

A final note, if you just happen to be looking for a job, I have a section in my website that might head you in the right direction and give you tips on organizing your process.

I first learned about Haiku — a Japanese form of poetry — when I was in the second grade. I remember being fascinated by the rigid structure — three lines, 5-7-5 syllables — and simple structure. As a part of that class work, I wrote the following:

Swaying blooming rose
Red rose sways blooms wind blows blows
Rose blooming beauty

Yes, I know. Profound, it is not. But, it does follow the structure. And, I was only 7-years-old.

In the fifth grade, I learned more, but cheated and didn’t write a new one. (Bad me, bad!)

So, why do I bring this up today? I read an article this week about writing Haiku and was again piqued and moved by the beauty of this simple form. The author shared one that a Japanese master of haiku, Buson, wrote that actually moved me to tears:

the cold is piercing –
in the bedroom, I have stepped
on my dead wife’s comb

Just 17 syllables, and I get this profound sense of sorrow, as well as an image of a man who misses his wife terribly. Maybe it’s just me. What do you get out of that poem?

Guru.com, a website for freelance and contract work for creative types, has a weekly contest for “Guru Haiku.” Some of them are amazingly funny and insightful. Here’s one:

When all your clients
Have split personalities
May you invoice twice?

The art of haiku, according to Alistair Scott, the author of the article I mentioned, is in its spirit. It “should arise from genuine feeling” and take a “moment, an incident or a scene” observe it “with clarity” and set “it down with a minimum of fuss.” And there’s where my haiku about roses failed.

Yes, it was a moment, but not one out of genuine feeling or expressed with much clarity. I was aiming for syllable count, and that was all.

So, the other day, I set myself the task to write one that was better, clearer and expressed emotion. Here’s my first stab:

on worlds far away
by oceans brilliant orange
the Zuk long for fish

O.K. I know that last line needs some work. But, I think it says something more poignant than the fact that roses bloom.

CALL TO ACTION:
Why don’t you share your thoughts on haiku using the comments feature of this blog? I would love to read your thoughts, and I’m sure other readers would, too.

RESOURCES:
- Alistair Scott is the Editor-in-Chief at StoryPlus (www.storyplus.com), an online children’s publishing company based in Switzerland.

- Guru.com is an online resource for creative freelancers looking for writing and design projects.